So last week I had to give a devotional at my sister in laws baby shower at the church I grew up in. I've never really done something like that but I can't say no to things. It's a little long for my usual blog posts but since I had it all written up anyways AND it's mothers day I figured, why not.
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I'm Kristina Hendrickson, I'm Hannah's sister in law. I'm married to her older brother Micah, we've been married almost nine years next month. And six years ago I was in this room, pregnant for the first time, at my baby shower. Jonni got me to do this devotional by telling me that they really wanted someone who was currently in the thick of it, as far as being a mom. And I tried to think of anyone else, of who I could pass this off too, and I couldn't come up with anyone so here I am.
I have three kids, ages six, four, and two. I am in the thick of things. I was thinking about what I was going to say as I was falling asleep the other night, and I just kept thinking of terrible thing after terrible thing. And I'm like Jonni, THIS is why older women should be giving these devotionals. Because they don't remember how bad it is!!!! I'm like all I'm going to do is freak Hannah out!
Anyways, I wanted to tell you about my experiences as I am currently transitioning through motherhood. I'm realizing that - transitions - motherhood is all about transitions. Some are gradual, slow and easy. Some are very sudden, difficult and hard.
When I think about transitions in motherhood I usually think of transitions for the baby. Moving from the bassinet to a crib, dropping the middle of the night feeding, transitioning out of the swaddle, starting baby foods. And in that first year, just when you start getting comfortable, they start growing teeth.
But also in these past six years of being a mom, have found myself going through so many transitions as well. Working full time with daycare, working part-time, staying at home, driving a MINI VAN, and adding more kids. There are a lot of changes.
The biggest and fastest transition I can think of is when you are laying there pregnant, pushing that baby out, and suddenly they throw a baby on your chest. You're not pregnant anymore. You have a baby. I remember feeling like a complete rockstar after having a baby.
But something that’s not really talked about is that sometimes it’s not love at first sight. When you get married, it’s the biggest most important day of your life. Kind of like the day you have a baby. But at least when you got married, you knew who you were marrying. But not here. You don’t know who this baby is yet. And sometimes it takes awhile to bond and to get this brand new mom thing down. And that’s ok. Take those first days in the hospital for just your new family time. If you’re tired of visitors tell the nurses to kick them out. It’s not rude to tell us to leave or to say no.
Becoming a mom and being responsible for another person's life is a huge deal. And baby blues are a real thing. Your body goes through so many changes. Expect breakdowns, expect emotions, or expect no emotions, that can be really scary too. Just be ready to tell your husband or a close friend how you are honestly doing.
When I first became a mom I felt like I needed to know what type of mom I was going to be. Am I a working mom? Am I a stay at home mom? Who am I? What do I want out of life? A wise friend told me to take life a year at a time. And don’t worry about next year yet.
Matthew 6:25-26 “Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they?
If you are working/if you’re not, if you’ll have more kids/if you won’t, take it a year at a time. What’s working this year may not work next year. And that’s ok. God has it under control.
I remember feeling very scared and alone in those last days waiting for my baby to come. I know millions of women have been having children for thousands of years but I swear, no one knows what I'm going through.
I want to challenge all of us to be an encouragement to each other. Pray for each other. And ask for help. Don’t be afraid or embarrassed to ask for help. I remember feeling guilty for struggling so much. I was talking to my mom and then it came up that when she had all her little kids, Mrs. Lindquist (a family friend) came over sometimes to help. I was shocked. I thought my mom was supermom and couldn’t believe that she had help. But my point is, we all need help. None of us have it all together. All these ladies here should be a resource and encouragement to you as you begin this crazy having kids thing.
Titus 2:3-5 The aged women likewise, that they be in behaviour as becometh holiness, not false accusers, not given to much wine, teachers of good things; That they may teach the young women to be sober, to love their husbands, to love their children, To be discreet, chaste, keepers at home, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God be not blasphemed.
Raising kids is not something that you can do well, all on your own. Reach out, ask questions, READ BOOKS. When I think about how many classes and training you have to go through to do a job or get a degree, and then how much more important raising your kids is... Spending time and resources to become a better parent is so worth it. And will ultimately make your life easier.
Remember that feeling of when you go to an overnight youth retreat. When you go to bed at midnight, get up at 7, you’ve slept on the floor, you get up and you’re supposed to run around and have fun but you’ve got a headache and you feel like you’re in a fog. That is what you signed up for. Expect some of those days.
But life with a baby will make simple everyday things wonderful. You usually go to the bathroom by yourself. It’s nothing special. In a few short months, it will be! Going to the bathroom by yourself will be a treat! And a shower… I remember one time, I was home alone, Lincoln was asleep so I decided to take a shower. It was long and super relaxing. But when I turned off the water I hear little baby Lincoln just wailing. I felt so awful. I busted out of the shower in my towel, half soaking wet. And I promised myself never again. I haven't showered since.
I’m kidding. But life with a baby, going out and about with a baby is so fun.
Take comfort in the fact that you will probably make a lot of stupid decisions. We lived in Wisconsin when Lincoln, was born. Three weeks after he was born we drove six hours to Duluth so Micah and I could both be in my brother's wedding. The next month we drove home eight hours for Thanksgiving. The next month we drove home eight hours for Christmas. So it's no wonder shortly after, we could only get Lincoln to sleep in his car seat. Sure we'd put him to bed in his crib but 45 minutes later he'd wake up, so we had no clue what to do, we'd put him in his car seat, lay on the floor behind it and rock it. Ridiculous. I would not recommend doing that.
The good news about having kids is that hopefully, if you want, you'll have another one. And then you get another chance to not make as many mistakes. And slowly but surely you’ll get it down. If I could rename our kids a little more accurately, I would rename Lincoln and Asa "Trial and Error" and then maybe we'd name Louisa "Almost Perfect". Because she's pretty close. And even on a day to day basis. If you failed, made some mistakes, maybe let your baby roll off the couch or something (call the Dr. it’ll be fine, just wait at least five years to tell the grandparents about it). Ok, I’m mostly kidding. If you’ve made mistakes pray and ask God for strength to do better tomorrow. Give yourself grace to make mistakes and try better next time.
Watch out for comparisons. You will do something one way and then you'll find out another mom does it a different way and you'll feel like a terrible parent. But you just have to try to make the best decisions you can. Try not to doubt yourself.
One of my favorite sayings that I find myself thinking often is “This too shall pass”. I remember some foolish person gave me an 18 month outfit at mybaby showerr. It was huge. I thought it was ridiculous. And completely useless like they might as well have given me a dog toy, I didn’t need it. There's no way he will ever get that big. So I have for you an 18 month outfit. Although it doesn’t seem like it now, and it certainly won’t feel like it when he’s going through the 4 month sleep regression. This will pass. You will sleep again, someday. When he gets sick for the first time, he will get better. And he will get bigger.
Ecclesiastes 3 To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven:
Enjoy this season. Sometimes it means you can’t do what you would normally do or what you would want to do. But to everythin,g there is a season and you are entering the mom season. Where you have to put another person, a cute, but sometimes crabby and demanding person, who never says thank you’s needs before yours. Keep notes. Write things down. Take pictures. Take videos. Post them so the rest of us can see. Because you’re not sleeping, so you’ll forget.
At first, it was hard for me to comprehend that this baby wants me. I’d be around my moms, other ladies, or other moms and I’d think to myself that this baby would be way better off with one of them taking care of him. They know so much more than me. But that’s not true. You are exactly what this baby needs. You are exactly what that little person needs in a mother. God has given you that little baby to take care of, not anyone else. So as you transition into this new phase of your life, I know you will be the perfect mom for the job.
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