Should I Delete My Facebook Account?

Lincoln asked me on the way to school the other day if I liked today best because all of them aren't home... And it hit me right in the gut. I was silent for a second and then said something like "well I do like it because then I get to play with just the babies but my favorite days are Saturdays when everyone and dad is home all day". 

I don't think Lincoln meant it in a mean way - it probably just hit me hard because.. it's true. I do love the days the best when my kids aren't home. I'm ok knowing that and ok telling you that... but I don't want my kids to know that...

I've been working my butt off lately. I have a sort of love, hate relationship with real work. I love it because somehow it makes me feel slightly valued and important, plus I enjoy it most of the time. But it's been a lot lately.

I had a real bad week last week. And I've got a lot of things I should be doing right now. But yeah, why not do a blog post. January is allllllways the hardest month for me. Anybody else? I'm trying to convince my husband that we should move to Hawaii so he can have a happy wife in January for once in his life. 

My bad week - that was the reason for my radio silence, that I'm sure no one even noticed, on social media last week. I've been having thoughts of getting off Facebook entirely. Like it actually kept me up at night thinking about how much I hate Facebook and social media and what it has become. Which makes me sad because I've always been such a huge social media supporter. I love sharing. I love communication. But now, I hate the consumption. I hate being used. They're using my baby photos and my material to sell ads to you and get you to buy stuff. Ugh, it made me mad. It's not what it used to be. And I hate that everyone, all of us, sell stuff on there too. We all have ulterior motives (ok fine, not everyone but sometimes it seems like it). ALL while I'm simultaneously thinking of starting even more accounts. (confusing I know!) But it seems like the only way. And the easiest way. 

I need a platform where I can say "hey I'm a graphic designer and this is the work I can do" or "I'm a photographer, here's what I've done". Can I do that without being annoying? Maybe I get annoyed too easily and that is what has put in me in this sort of paralysis. So yeah, I'm legit either considering deleting my social media accounts or ya know starting two more, a photography and a design account. That seems logical. All in January. No big decisions should be made in January! 

I've just really been questioning my motives. I post a lot. Why do I do it? Do I want people to like me? What would I post if there wasn't a "like" feature? I also hate that when I post something I care about, 5 likes, but when I post a baby photo, oh sure there's 150 likes. And why do I care? That shouldn't matter to me. I shouldn't be posting things for likes? What have I become? 

I rarely look at the views for my blog posts. Because writing helps me. I'm getting something out of writing these posts and it's not from having views. I kinda actually hope not a lot of people read this because, well, that would just be embarrassing. But this helps me think. I feel like if I get this out, I can move on and that's helpful for me. So if I could somehow use social media in a dance like no one's watching kind of way then I think that would be ok. That could be healthy. 

Maybe I've just read too many articles and watched too many documentaries. 

This is getting long. No fun optimistic conclusion for you. I'm just getting this out there. If you've read this far, like this post. Kidding. ; )