I am not defined by:

Last week I struggled with thoughts like this “You’re a terrible mother. You don’t know what you’re doing. Why can’t you keep your house clean?”

It’s funny, whenever I find myself having those thoughts I have to think about the source. Why I am really feeling like that? What else is going on in my life? Well turns out the answer is Asa. The last week and a half we have completely revamped our routine. With Lincoln turning four he has started Preschool two days a week, Awana Cubbies on Wednesday nights, and one morning of day care. We’ve also dropped Lincolns naps and have been putting him to bed an hour earlier, which has been a win-win-win all around. Anyways, Asa my little friend has not been adjusting so well. I have been trying to get him down to one nap a day instead of a morning and afternoon nap. This will just work out better because we have to drop off/pick up Lincoln, ect. Well my little Asa loves his routine and does soo well on his schedule. And trying to get him adjusted to this has made him a little terror, which is totally uncharacteristic for him. Unfortunately this has my life terrible. I spend most of my morning entertaining a grumpy boy just to keep him up to go down in the afternoon and then.. he sleeps for an hour. Are you kidding me?! Ugh soo frustrating. I have basically got nothing done. And before you know it the place is a mess, nobody has had dinner, everybody’s crying and I’m sitting there thinking “I’m a terrible mother”.

I’ve started telling myself “I am not defined by how long my baby naps”. I know that sounds ridiculous but that one thing seriously affects our entire day. It’s all consuming, I get no work work done, I get no house work done, my life is in ruins, all because of a nap!

Anyways, this story has a good ending (so far). Since the second half of last week we have seemed to fall into our routine. I got some great advice about helping Asa transition to one nap from a moms group on facebook. And through a few trial and error disastrous days we’ve discovered that if we get him down between 12:15-12:30ish he’ll sleep till 3. Three hours. Almost three heavenly hours. Suddenly things are falling back into place. Suddenly dishes can be done, a few work projects can be done, I can think about what to cook for dinner before 4:30. And the funny thing is, those bad thoughts go away. And I’m thinking “yeah, I can do this. I feel good about myself. I’m getting stuff done. I am ok”.

So, my take away lesson from all this is, if you’re having bad/negative thoughts about the situation you’re in, think about why you’re having them. Maybe you’re really not a terrible mother; you’re just going through a crazy nap transition.