Grace

I quit at being a parent. It's too hard.

I'm not saying I want to leave my boys. I'm just saying, that I need a sub. Or maybe just sleep.

It's been a week and a half, two weeks, I can't even remember, it's like Asa's possessed I tell you. He's perfectly fine through out the day, happy and pleasant, even naps well. But come midnight and it's like the crying, inconsolable, miserable baby from you know where. The kind when you spend fifteen minutes rocking him to sleep and then the second his little body hits his bed, sobs. Repete. Repete.

All we can figure out is that it must be his teeth. His top gums are horribly swollen. He's had a low fever in the evenings too. So every night we've given him a bath and that's helped with his fever. We're just really at a loss. And I keep telling myself that this can't last forever. He will have to start sleeping well again. Sometime.

The anger, frustration, and guilt. Guilt because of all the horrible thoughts that go through your head after trying to get this baby to sleep for hours and hours. You just want to like physically force him to sleep but the more you try the worse it gets. You get so mad, and then feel so terrible for being so mad at the little thing that you love so much. And all while you're half asleep. It's just sick torture.

I don't mean to complain. But it's just been hard. I don't do well without sleep.

Praying has helped. And God will continue to get us through. I've started praying "Lord please help me not get mad when this doesn't work". Referring to getting Asa down to sleep. I'm also praying for patience. Because it is so hard not to get angry at that precious little baby. And it is so hard not to feel like the absolute worst parent in the world for getting angry.

We all need God's grace.

Good thing he's cute in the daytime. 

Lincoln loves playdoe now.

And chocolate cake.

Taking a photo of a messy kitchen is way better than cleaning.