While We Wait

Hey baby girl. While we wait for you I might as well tell you how you got here.

You weren't expected or planned, and I didn't even think you were possible. I had been nursing Asa for the past 15 months and hadn't gotten my period yet. We wanted more children and I wanted more free time so I was very anxious to stop nursing.

A few weeks after we stopped nursing (Hallelu-yer!) I woke up with terrible cramps and spotting. And I was like hurray I'm getting my period! I even told a friend "hey guess what's back!?" Well that lasted like a day and then nothing. So I played it off as my body just trying to get back into the swing of things. A couple weeks later I started thinking about taking a pregnancy test just for fun, just to check that off the list. I knew it wasn't possible but just to know for sure. So I did. And right away, there you were.

I'm pretty sure the boys were napping and I came upstairs and told Micah. I'm terrible at keeping secrets from him. I've always had ideas of surprising him somehow but I never can do it. Anyways, I went upstairs and was like "well, this is weird..."

I had such mixed feelings. I had never been "surprised" like this. Both our boys took 6 and 7 months of trying and praying to get pregnant. It had never just "happened" for me. Maybe I oddly missed those feelings of desperation and those "I'm never going to have another baby!" feelings. But the overall feeling I had was selfish. Other than the last few weeks of weaning I had nursed Asa basically every 4 hours for the past year (not counting sleep, thank the Lord) I had JUST gotten my body back. We had just completed an inline half marathon, I was excited about summer and doing whatever I wanted, staying out as late as I wanted (because I didn't have to be home at a certain time to nurse someone to bed). I had two weeks. Two weeks of my body being mine and now suddenly I was back to having no energy, laying on the couch and puking. Unhappy. Guilty. Sick. Surprised. Discouraged. Tired. Happy. Nauseous. Excited. In disbelief... (cue Ronald Weasley "Nobody could feel all that. They'd explode"). Yeah, that's where I was for the first month.

Anyways, I've moved on from those feelings. You are sooo wanted. I can't believe you are a girl. I just had a feeling I was destined to be an all boy mom. I am dying to see you. I'm dying to hold you. I'm dying to tell our family what your name is.

My Instagram tells me that 39 weeks ago I posted this photo. So that must have been close to when you were made. I must have been happy because look how beautiful it is.

You are due to show up on February 20th but I know that doesn't mean you'll be coming by then by any means. On Lincoln's due date I stayed home from work to feel sorry for myself and cry on my bed all day. On your due date I have a fun dinner date with friends planned. Live and learn. And pray I can keep my sanity. Oh waiting is just the worst.

I'm so touched by all the friends that have messaged me saying that they're praying for me during these last few days. And I'm so happy that I feel encouraged by them. Again, with Lincoln, every time someone told me they were praying for me or even made some mention about my due date or the baby coming I either wanted to punch them or burst into tears. Yeah, that first pregnancy was a rough one.

I feel like I want to end this by telling you to "come soon little girl!". But I can't have that attitude. So we'll see you in a few weeks. ; )